hi sadman
it sounds like you suffer from low self esteem. despite changing your outsides, your insides still feel the same. perhaps reading the posts in the self esteem forum you would identify with some of the issues and gain some tips on what to do. I started by focusing on a strength I couldn't deny. that I was a good writer. no matter how badly I felt about myself, I could not deny that I was a good writer, so when I was thinking negative thoughts about myself, I could turn them around by affirming to myself that I was a good writer. then I came up with a few more good things about myself and added those to the list. it took some time but soon I had a whole bunch of good things to think about myself and my selfesteem was better, Welcome to Psych Central. You will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. Again, welcome.