Can't decide if I'm being an arse about this or not.

My T came back to me via text this evening. I had by then sent more messages asking for a phone check in, and then later saying the lack of reply was difficult, that I knew it could maybe be that she hadn't had time to read my texts, but I wondered if she wasn't bothering because she disliked me.

Her text back said she'd had a busy day and only just read my messages, and was sorry. And she 'didn't dislike me, never has'. She said maybe we can do a check in tomorrow, as she's going to be at work then to make up for time off during the week.

Obviously, that's good. And I'm glad I restrained myself from sending the last message that I wanted to send, accusing her of emotionally abandoning me But the borderline part of me is hurt like I've been damned with faint praise, or something. Who settles for just not being disliked?

I feel like the more honest I am, the more borderline I get. Denial and suppression and ridiculing my own emotions all the time made me a nicer person, who appeared more balanced. The real me is a borderline nutjob my brother always argues against the idea that I have bpd, but what he doesn't realize is that just because I very rarely say the stuff in my head doesn't mean it's not there.

Also, sorry for the proliferation of threads. I'm using PC as a safe space.