I relate to a lot of this, keeping a very tight grip of my 'needs' most of the time. I admire your ability to maintain that self-control in your therapy too, because that's where my resolve cumbles and my needs go bananas.

What are your friendships like? Do you have any close friends that you feel confident you are welcome in at all times and vice versa? They, in my experience, are an absolute godsend (have had these kinds of friendships in the past, none available right now and think that's why I'm crashing) and WILL help you gingerly accept that your needs can be ok and acceptable.