Hi, I'd say that you really should take as much comfort as you can from feeling that you've been forgiven and remind yourself of that as much as...........but I am really with you on personal responsibility.
Although sometimes the choices we make in life are the only ones we can/know to make at the time. And so much can go towards those choices, including things out of our control e.g. past experiences, influences, even things like anxiety, depression.............and we're only human.
And you know, sometimes it can be really hard to see the full consequences of things we do. Hindsight is a great thing, if only we had it before........!!.
So if that was the case at times then the choices you made weren't necessarily informed choices were they?
Sometimes it's as much about where we take our lives forward, where we end up on the journey. And even trying to do "the right thing" by ourselves and others. And I can tell you are focused on that.
So maybe give yourself a bit of "a break", hey?
It can be so hard to move on/forward, to become more of who we want to be if all we see/focus on is the past.
Alison