I relate to a lot of this, keeping a very tight grip of my 'needs' most of the time. I admire your ability to maintain that self-control in your therapy too, because that's where my resolve cumbles and my needs go bananas.

What are your friendships like? Do you have any close friends that you feel confident you are welcome in at all times and vice versa? They, in my experience, are an absolute godsend (have had these kinds of friendships in the past, none available right now and think that's why I'm crashing) and WILL help you gingerly accept that your needs can be ok and acceptable.

There is nothing abnormal about the feelings you are describing. You have learnt not to value yourself or your needs because the message you received as a child is that you were a burden. You now have to learn to value yourself and see that other people value you too. It's a process and you are doing great
For what it's worth, "forgettable' is the last word I would think of to describe you. Your posts on PC are invariably wise, thoughtful, caring and intelligent. I was really surprised when you said your age on another thread, as you are so damn insightful- beyond your years! You are a valuable and valued member of this, an anonymous online forum, so I can only hope that people who know you in real life know how lucky they are!