I have had issues with needs that were pretty serious. I was aware that as a child I was essentially told not to have any. It wasn't until more probing in therapy that I became more aware of the degree of neglect there was, actually abusive neglect such as not being feed properly and such. But I didn't ever complain. I was supposed to be self-sufficient and independent and invisible.

My shrink explained to me that a precious self-sufficiency can develop of there is a misattunement or other problem with early attachment. I had some pre-verbal traumatic memories that pointed to very little care very early on. When needs are not only not met but are not even recognized, then we deny we have needs and feel bad if we do. That helps us maintain our attachment despite the problems that exist with it. It is also for survival. While it does affect sense of self and therefore self-esteem, it doesn't necessarily stem from lack of self-esteem. It can have environmental sources.