Hey everyone. Well, I wrote a letter to my pdoc. I took it in today and he saw me. I handed it to him and tried to escape. He grabbed my arm and took me in his office. I said that he looks way too busy, I had to go. He said, Oh thats the other doctors clients; so get in here and sit down. So I did. He said, 'what happened yesterday, why did you hang up.' I said sorry and told him that I was upset and angry at the way he dealt with things. He said he felt really bad and is sorry. He was also frustrated because I have not let him know whats been going on.
All of a sudden; I completely fell apart. I was crying so hard I could not speak. He said, "dont be so hard on yourself, you need help and thats what I am here for." He reached over and held my hand. He said when I was ready, go ahead and talk. So I gathered myself and it all poured out of me. He picked up his phone and said he was admitting me immediately. I jumped and said NO. I explained about the kids; they will be with dad on the 22nd. He said he is not willing to wait that long. His words were, "look at you my dear, Liz stop putting yourself aside, you are a mess and need help." He wanted me to phone the kids father and get them to his house right away. I had to laugh. I told him that he had phoned and said he cant take care of them right now, that I needed to keep them until the 22nd.
He hit the nail on the head when he said; "he has not changed has he, when it suits him, he dumps everything on you, whats this guys problem anyway. He fights for custody but shows no care or concern for these kids." I said, we all know that. He wont change.
So, I am going in to the hospital on Monday. I go to his office at 10:30 and he will arrange it from there. He asked me to phone me if I feel that I cant wait until then; to phone him right away. He said, "Dear, I cant read your mind, you need to work with me." There was more said but I wont go on and on. I was so emotional when I was there but it felt really good. I am comfortable with him so I was able to do this. I didnt realize how much I had inside me.
Before I left; he held out his hand. I took it as I thought he was going to shake mine; I was wrong; He took my hand so gentle, grabbed my arm and hugged me. I almost fell apart. It was an amazing feeling to have someone reach out like this.
Hey all; THANK YOU SO MUCH!! For the support, love, caring, compassion, kindness, and most of all; the push I needed to keep sane and get help. Love you all and I will be here until Monday. He will eventually give me passes, so when he does, I will come on.
Oh, with regards to the court issues; he said, "well to bad for them. How do you think you could possibly go through these court issues. You cant even think clearly and I am having a hard time following you because your thoughts are racing so bad you jump from one thing to the next. I know how sick you are dear, but you need to see it. Start be honest with yourself and take a look at whats happening here. This is not the Liz that was in my office a few months ago. This is not you, its your illness." He went on to say; "and I see that you are struggling with your eating disorder. You look sick and we need to sort this out in a safe environment where I can help you."
I am glad that he recongized some of this because its hard to talk about everything at once. He also knew that I have not had any sleep lately. He asked how much sleep I have been getting. I kind of giggled though; I said to him, "you talked to Dr. B......, so you know most of this anyway." He said he had spoke with him but its obvious with my apperance. Then he reminded me how long he has been my doctor and he knows my issues and past history.

Man, I am so sorry. I am going on and on, like I said I would stop. I am between feeling hopeful to nervous. I cant shut up. What a relief; thats the best way to describe it. Oh poo; when I had mentioned above that his office was really busy; my doctor said it was the other doctors clients that works in the same office. The brat lied to me to get him in his office before I tried to run away. When I was leaving he called the next person in. I looked at him with a "hey you little bugger". He smiled. The other doctor is away; I didnt see the note posted at the front when I came in. See what I mean, he knew I was going to bail.

itsjustme

itsme.