[QUOTE=Jaybird57;3967884]
Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelGirl
My T and I talk a lot about how I don't like to have needs. And it's true. I hate my needs. I want to be self-sufficient, and not rely on anyone else. It hurts incredibly when others let me down, and it scares me immensely when I have to rely on people for anything .QUOTE]
You are definitely not alone in this warped way of thinking, Hazelgirl. It's something I have dealt with for a very long time. . . .I say a long time because I never talked about it or dealt with in therapy, until now and I'm a LOT older than you! I just couldn't find the courage to dig down deep and expose how raw and ugly those feelings felt.
My need to be self-sufficient meant that I never needed a man because I could take care of myself better. That deprived me of the close intimacy that a long term relationship gives a person. My ridiculous need to be self-sufficient would go to the extreme--I'd be so determined to do something on my own that I'd NEVER ask for help or borrow a simple tool to fix something. Instead, I'd find a way to do it myself and I'd go to the store and buy the tool I needed; even if I only needed to use the tool once. It's a recipe that leads to loneliness and it's taking self-sufficiency to the extreme!
You are young and you have time to really explore these feelings and reconnect/recreate brain pathways that mean greater and better functioning. Give yourself a little breathing room and credit. Try to recognize how honest you're trying to be with these feelings. You're talking about these feelings openly with your therapist, and I agree with her, it's going to take some time. I think recognizing your behavior patterns is the beginning of meaningful change. Hang in there.
|
Actually that thinking isn't always that warped.....I had to be self-sufficient because I ended up married to a guy who wasn't capable of doing things so I had to do the things that he couldn't do.....& as far as any emotional closeness....he wasn't capable of that either..........the point being.....don't always think that the marriage or the relationship will give you what you think you need either.
It's much better to be self-reliant & then if a guy does come along that fills that need wonderful.....it's much better than being ditzy woman who doesn't have the ability to take care of herself.
Now that I finally left my H after 33 years & am finally getting a divorce.....I left & bought myself the farm I have always wanted....living there alone with my dogs....but I HAVE to take care of everything myself because I don't have the money to hire things done.....so it's UP TO ME......I it makes me feel good about myself that I am capable.....much better than being stuck with a guy who isn't capable of anything.
One never knows where life will take them....& it's much better to be prepared than not.
I have to admit, it would be nice to have someone to connect to emotionally ......but being comfortable not having someone is important that way it works no matter how things turn out.