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TBH, it's hard for me to take credit for it. It's hard for me to think "Hey, I can do it here so maybe I can do it IRL." It doesn't transfer over very well, at least not in my head.
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I would say that it is
progress to speak here. It does not automatically put you where you want to be, but it is progress. You are able to speak in this setting, even in the face of the emotions you describe.
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And again, I think at least part of that is not knowing what exactly I need from people sometimes. I know I need something, but I have no idea what, and that makes it hard to ask, because not only do I need whatever it is I need, I need help figuring out what I need. And that's horribly embarrassing, on top of being really intimidating.
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It sounds like you want to hit the nail exactly on the head. Here is an alternative model or vision:
I don't know what I need, what to ask for, or how to ask. But I can post something that is in the ballpark. People will respond, and their responses can help me figure out what to say next. Talking to people, over time, can help me figure out what I need. And: talking with others--revealing myself, receiving help--can, in itself, help me move toward whatever it is that I need.
What is your reaction to this alternative?