One of the things my T has been trying very hard to get me to try is to fulfill my own needs first, before we delve into me letting others fulfill needs for me. I feel selfish fulfilling my own needs as much as I feel vulnerable when I let others help fulfill my needs.

I recently went out and got braces (mind you I am 49 years old). This has been something I wanted my whole life, I have terrible crooked teeth and never wanted to smile and covered my mouth all the time. It was very easy for me to get all my kids braces, but when it came to meet my need to get them, I felt so selfish. My last child moved out a year ago and after my accident (what got me back into therapy) I finally got braces last month. I still feel selfish about them, but for some reason, as awkward and clumsy as they make me feel... meeting one of my own needs has been therapeutic.. Maybe start by meeting your own need first? My therapist does trauma focused CBT and I was having a really tough time trusting her or making any progress at all. I fought her on everything, and to trust her has taken me a year to get to that point...(that needy thing getting in the way again). So she asked me to work on a workbook called "Healing the Trauma of Abuse" a women's workbook A gentle, Step-by-step-guide. I was able to do the first few chapters by myself and when I struggle with one she and I talk about it in therapy. One of the first things it suggests doing is something small for yourself. The first thing I did was find a special spot outside and make a promise to myself to sit on my swing outside and drink my coffee in the morning for 10 minutes and think of nothing. I practiced mindfulness, and looked at the birds, the trees the sun, and every time my mind started racing or wandering I gently brought it back to the tree's the birds, etc.... slowly, but surely I can almost sit there for 10 minutes and enjoy life (which is really a big thing for me). Since then I even got a manicure, a few weeks later got my hair cut and highlighted. Each time I felt just a little better about myself, and it left me not needing anyone but actually helped fulfill a need.... now I have braces...(now I just feel like an awkward teenager..grin)

Now the big thing is to start letting my T help me more with my book, I am having a hard time with that. It is easier to talk about her or anyone else than my own needs, but I am slowly making progress.

Hang in there, take baby steps, find a small need and try and meet it on your own. I have found practicing mindfulness one of the best things I have ever started doing in my life. It is not easy and struggle with it, and the most I can do it is about 10 minutes a day, but it really helps... just a suggestion

I guess what I am trying to say, is take baby steps find a way to meet small needs of your own