I do not quite know how to say this and believe me I am far far far from an expert but I think that a bit of confusion is quite normal.

I also wanted to tell you that you can have a soul connection with someone without having a sexual relationship with them. I do not want you to be afraid to have male friendships. I would like to encourage those as a matter of fact but I think I might avoid the buttheads you mentioned in your previous post.

You know at your age there are lots of buttheads around that really do get off by making others uncomfortable. That is because they are trying to figure things out themselves and this is how THEY deal with it. Not the best way in my book. Do not take anything they have to heart... or brain. Yeah...I know that is hard... but if you could...that would be a wise thing to do. What DO they know anyway? They are also your age and still finding their way.

(You do realise that even at my middle age I well remember those folks... they seem to be standard with the process.)

I think that what you need to work on is yourself and liking yourself and getting to know people, men and women, boys and girls, whatever you would like to call them.....and of all ages to experience what brain to brain relationships are like.

Do not live your life in fear.

I have no idea what HOCD is.... Not even going to google it but you are welcome to share if you would like to.

I think that you need to allow yourself to be who you are and explore who that is, personally and in time sexually. I wish you to know that the world is indeed your oyster. Grab it and try to not fear it. Keep yourself safe but ... Happiness and exploration of YOU is what it is all about.

Have you thought of potentially talking with a counselor of these concerns? Do you lose sleep over these concerns? You seem to be avoiding people and situations due to their perceived "gayness." You may wish to talk to someone further about these things...like a trusted counselor at school or outside of school.

I think you are doing fine and your concerns probably typical. Do not take in what the bozo's have to say. Think and explore for yourself.

As a final word as to who you choose to be or who you find within yourself.... It is my opinion that you can expand your world by accepting others based upon their kindnesses and genuineness and how they make you feel (not necessarily sexually.)

I know you are at a special time of your life. Try to relax and enjoy seeing yourself and others around you bloom personally....

I do not know if this will help you at all but these are just a few of my thoughts.

Best wishes.