Quote:
Originally Posted by JustShakey
So, yesterday my T forgot my appt., no big, I deal with enough appointments for my son that I know how easy it is to accidentally miss one when you're busy. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to hold something like that against him. Yeah, I was upset and thrown, but...
I'm not even sure where I'm going with this one. I even suspect that T may have purposely done this to initiate a discussion but that doesn't really bother me either because I get why.
Or maybe I can't let it bother me because I understand why.
This is annoying. I'm upset that I didn't get to see T, but, if it was an honest mistake, I understand and if it was a purposeful attempt to initiate a discussion I understand too.
I don't know what to do with this one...
T was very apologetic, btw, and is making it up to me.
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I think it's hard to understand when we think something has to be just one dimensional. I know it has worked that way for me, but I'm happy to say that therapy is expanding that view for me.
There is more than one thing going on and both are real and valid. One is the
practical response, that of course we all can and do mess up and it is understandable and logical and the rational response is understanding and forgiveness.
But there is also a gut wrenching emotional response, just as real and valid, and in addition confusing because it doesn't jive with the practical response.
It seems like one of these should be 'right' and the other 'wrong', but neither is right or not right. They just "are". It makes the mind spin when trying to 'figure out' which response is right.
Yes, you understand that mix-ups can occur. You also have that separate internal life that says whatever it feels - "My T forgot my appointment and I'm feeling very hurt!". Other thoughts and feelings might be there, like: I must not matter to T. I'm forgettable. What is happening?! sometimes my internal responses are delayed, but their origins can be detected as beginning with an event that is rationally, seemingly, of little consequence - like a recent change in just the day I see T because she had something she needed to do on the regular night that we meet.
I hope this makes some sense.