Hello. I am new to this forum.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II over a year ago. It took about 15 years of struggle and 5 doctors to correctly identify my illness. While I am grateful for success I've achieved with the help of my doctors and medication, I am only now accepting the diagnosis. After an episode a few weeks ago I decided to bring my mom to meet my pdoc for the first time and discuss what had happened. She knew I was being treated for "mood swings", but I never said the "B" word (obviously I was in denial). So to hear my doctor tell her I have Bipolar II had a jarring affect on me. Hearing the word made it feel *so real* and final. To hear my doctor explain to her what I had did something to me inside. A few days after that meeting I felt a strange mix of relief and fear. I cried it out with my mom. "I have Bipolar II. There I said it. I am bipolar and this is who I've been for a very long time." I had gone about life with the hope that all of this "stuff" would one day go away for good - it was just a matter of time. But that time never did come, and I know it never will. This is me.

I am a super disciplined person, so even though I am disciplined with my medication, mood charts, exercise, diet, etc, I haven't truly accepted that I am bipolar (despite all the evidence). Accepting that this will be part of my future forever is scary for me right now.

So that is where I am and that is why I am here. I look forward to learning and being involved in this forum.