It's nothing about you and everything about them...
there's more I want to say, but I don't know how to put it into words, so I wool leave it at the above. Abuse is always about the abuser and never about the abused.

They are damaged people. They mistreated you because THEY have issues. You are a thoughtful, wise human who was unfortunately, collateral damage in their war of a life.

I'm curious, is there a way you can ask your parents these questions or are you not on speaking terms (or they passed away, etc)?

I also doubt that any parents, unless very severe chronic mental illnesses, loathe their kids all the time. It's possible that certain circumstances or certain behaviors get to them. They are people too so they were not necessarily raised by most loving accepting educated people either. Life is messy that way. And sometimes they're not even aware of what they're doing. They are unaware of how their smallest actions mean so much to a young person, who sees the parents as his/her world.

I was talking to my parents the other day about them shaming me and they could not even remember! I think it's very difficult for any parent to intentionally and consciously harm their own flesh and blood on a regular basis, by their words or actions.

In my case, much of the hurt came from was a personality mismatch and also how they themselves were raised. What they considered or learned to be love, was tough love, and I was a sensitive kid and saw a lot of that as them not loving me or being abusive or hating me. And they indeed did abuse me at times and at times they did hate me and felt embarrassed by me too. I was not manly enough for my dad or my mom, for instance. But they also did a lot of things for me, things that can be interpreted as love (take care of me when sick, taking me to school, helping me with homework, buying me clothes and toys, taking me on vacation, etc).

But sometimes certain actions or words are so painful or sometimes parents fail us at a time we most needed them and was most vulnerable, that it nearly erases all the good they have done. That's why talking to them about it is sometimes helpful. Especially if done at a time people are in a peaceful state of mind and open to exploring things without so many strong emotions.

Lastly, I think someone who knows you well or for so long, may also lose perspective. If you had to live with your therapist for so many years or if your therapist was the one raising you, she'd not have that kind of distant objectivity. I sometimes have that kind of clarity when I meet someone for the first few times. But long term and closer relationships, especially when combined with personal investment in the relationship (as parents do), can muddy up the one's vision.

I wonder the same thing a lot about my own family.

Over time I've came to a few conclusions:
1. my mom viewed me as an extension of herself, and was very angered when I stopped complying.
2. my family structure was very sexist and I was resistant to that from a very early age
3. I'm more introverted and intellectual than my family members; I have different interests, preferences, and skills. this singled me out a lot.
4. they had expectations that were unrealistic for me, combined with not providing me with any support or love really.

etc etc.

I'm me, and while ME wasn't acceptable to them.... I can figure out why I wasn't acceptable to them, and after years of trying to be what they wanted... I realized I couldn't and I like me better the way I am now anyway. It's their issue, not mine. Doesn't stop it hurting like a mofo though...