Is it unacceptable if an 18 year old doesn't wear makeup? The other day my older sister yelled at me because I refused to wear makeup to my university (I wasn't in the mood to wear makeup and also because I don't like makeup). This basically resulted in me getting deep bloody scratches all over my face and a black eye. Why is makeup so damn necessary? I believe it really should be somebody's own choice if they want to or not. My sisters and my mom make makeup such a big deal.

I also have extremely low self esteem and I believe that I'm ugly (this is something that has always tagged along with me since childhood). But when I put makeup on I feel embarrassed for some reason. I'm the type of person that doesn't like to be noticed. I like blending into the crowd. I like to stay invisible. When somebody is staring at me I start to feel self conscious (because of that I also don't like to be included in pictures). And even if I was "pretty" I would be just as embarassed because I still would be standing out and people would be staring at me. I'm just a simple girl that doesn't exactly have 'her style' of clothing (my shirts are usually just plain long sleeved (or 3/4 sleeve) shirts - one colour throughout (or maybe a striped shirt)). Because of this I grew up as a tomboy I guess (or that's what my family calls me).

Also my sisters compete with each other to be the prettier one. I feel that *IF* I started to wear makeup they will say to me "Why are you trying to compete with me?!" in a rude way and it will just be a whole new fight which I'm not willing to start. Also when my mom gets dresses my sisters always fight over the one they want while the leftovers (which are usually the less pretty ones) goes to me. Im basically like the human trashcan...

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And I know how contradicting it is that I think I'm ugly and I don't want to be pretty at the same time... I guess I'm just messed up that way.