HazelGirl,

I don't think that there is an answer to those questions that is satisfying. I think that eventually one needs to accept that in order to heal. Please don't think I am preaching. I have not come to that acceptance yet. I was horribly, brutally abused and tortured by my parents and other family members. My sibling was involved in my abuse and I thought that my sibling escaped abuse, but that turns out not to be true. Even being involved in my abuse means thaty sibling was abused. I am often sure that the abuse was about me. If I wasn't so bad, so needy, so gross ....these things would not have happened. But, now I am in the process of adopting three young children who were terribly abused. I am not abusing them. I can't imagine ever hurting them. They are so sweet and innocent....so how could their bio parents have treated them so badly? And then that gets me on the path to Wonder if they didn't deserve the abuse, why would I have. I also went on a retreat a few months ago with a bunch of people with horrible abuse stories. As we all sat in a circle, I looked at these people, and heard their stories, and thought that none of these peoe deserved what happened to them..and I suddenly knew that they were looking around and thinking the same thing...about everybody seems, including me. Do I am beginning to get to the point of being able to think that the abuse really was not about me. It's about the people who did it. I've been reading your posts for a long time. I'm pretty sure you did nothing to deserve the abuse. It just is. It happened to you, not because of you.