Okay, so first I'm not at all used to posting in this forum. I don't have enough relationship experience (read: none whatsoever) to comment.

But then there's this boy...

(It's always about a boy, isn't it? *sighs*)

Very nice guy, whom I was introduced through via other people I met last year.

Well, we started really hanging out over the summer. As in, when I wanted to go to the mall - the guy actually came along! (He went shopping with a girl... sorry, it doesn't happen a lot to me). Went to movies together, and I invited him to my place (and vice versa) to play board games and watch videos.

Sounds like a normal healthy friendship? Yeah, I thought so.

But...

I really like the boy. As in, he's the first guy who I like to touch (not sexually). The first guy I like to spend extended periods of time with. The first guy I can talk to about so much, and have him actually understand!

But at the same time... he teases me, he can get physically rough (it's like we're siblings and I don't mind terribly) and he can be harsh or say a really mean comment without really realizing or caring. It's like the guy can be emotional and sympathetic one minute, and completely the opposite the next!

Which really ticks me off.

But we've managed to spend so much time together that our mutual friends have made it their life mission to tease us mercilessly (okay, mostly me because I emotionally react and that's "fun"). Apparently we're boyfriend/girlfriend, or dating. Also the running joke is that we're going to be married because we have so much in common.

I'm not appreciative of their comments, but I live with it because they don't stop when I've asked them too. And it doesn't bother the boy, so I keep my mouth shut.

But once again, enters my feelings. I actually couldn't imagine life without him. It physically hurts me to not see him at least once in a two day period. Christmas was hell, but when I saw him ... if I could jump with the wheelchair and all... I'd have jumped up and given him a hug when I saw him after the break.

Now, my friends who were anxious to "label" our relationship decided to meddle and asked Joel (behind my back) about how he viewed our relationship.

Now... can someone PLEASE explain what he meant when he said that "he loves me, but is not IN LOVE with me"?!?

I'm very frigging confused.

I've resolved myself to the fact that he obviously doesn't see me as any sort of romantic relationship but instead as a very good close friend. He's always complaining that not enough people bother to get to know him, and that he feels invisible. That's one way we relate so much to one another.

But this just gets messier because I've met his mother and sister, and he's met my mother and two sisters. And unfortunately ... his mother thinks I'd be a good match with him, and my mother thinks that if I'm happy with him that I should continue to try to pursue a 'relationship' with him. Ummm... it wouldn't be a problem except I will go out of my way to make everyone happy and I can't seem to do that here. He doesn't want a relationship, but the parents do!? All I want to do is be able to see him and talk and spend time with him, no matter the relationship. I don't want to screw up what we've got, even if I do find him physically/emotionally attractive.

Now... it gets worse. He's going overseas sometime over the summer to teach English (he graduates from Uni in June) and he says that he will try to find me a job out there when he goes because he wants me to go with him!?! Ummm... when a guy wants to spend time with you in a foreign country for an extended period of time... that means WHAT exactly?!

I really don't want to lose him. I love him too much. I've never felt like this for a guy before, and it's killing me inside to know he's going to leave soon and I might never see him again.

Am I overreacting?

Is it a crush? Is it a sort of 'best guy friend' relationship? Is it love?

Or is it just a big mess...

I don't know what I want as a response to this, I just hope someone understands my ramblings and is able to offer support or advice or something. Even harsh criticism is fine.

I just need to figure out what to do ... because this is slowly killing me, and I can't tell him. And that hurts, because I don't want to lose him, or push him away, or alienate/hurt him.