Thank you raestan92, yes it's an eternal struggle isn't it? Some days I wonder where I'm going to get the energy to get to sundown. Other days things are looking on the up and up. More than anything it's the back and forth between these 2 states that I can't stand. If I were eternally horribly depressed I would resign myself to a self destructive oblivion, that would be horrible but in some ways the knowledge of its finality would almost be oddly comforting. If every day looked better than the next, well that would of course be the best of all worlds. But this, one day things look good, the next I'm back in hell, is torture These last few weeks have been largely steady, although I'm quite anxious about starting the new job. But I'm always just waiting for the "other shoe to drop" for that next mini nervous break down to hit, that next bit of bad news or trigger that will set me off down the dark rabbit hole. Anyway sorry for being negative. Thanks for replying it means a lot!