I always thought that i never really "needed" help..see i see all you wonderful heartfelt people who really try talking about your feelings but its hard for you and my heart goes out to you guys...and see i could "sort of" tell people about things..i guess i just programed myself like that...i can tell people about the things i "programmed" myself to think is ok to say...so my first session i told my T everything i can normally say..its the same speech same order everything...no problems...second session was alittle harder cuz he was trying to reach places i never even...thought...of well...reaching...and now i dont ever want to go back...if the second session is hard...what about the rest?? In fact I even cancelled my session that was today!!! When i told him my speech on the first day i felt like ok i told you..so there is no more to really say we are done...im good i can go right? Wrong...apparently there is more..but i dont know what it is yet...its like fog....you can see about 5 steps in front of you but have no idea why your so scared to go further....its like..i know something is there but i dont know if i want to know...and after my ..stunt this last week..i dont know if i will ever go back..im terrified...i dont want to deal with this...and now im realizing...it was only after my second session that i decided...to well try to do away with myself..but didnt succeed so what will it be like after we get into the deep stuff...i mean the second session was only about trying meditation and preventing my self injury..only for it to enhance it as well cut meditation off completely...seriously..who can meditate successfully? I sure as heck cant..apparently....meh......this is crazy.....sorry for my rant...love, Inny