Ok, after posting in general social chat about my angst about nightshade issues
(http://forums.psychcentral.com/gener...ghtshades.html ) I went and had a shot of moonshine, followed by home made sweet potato fries and corn on the cob and chocolate covered almonds and a bunch of cinnamon apple snack sticks followed by a couple cups of green tea (for digestion).
It seems I am always trying to fill the void.
Food was a big way to do that and now I can't because of all my allergies- I'm starting to HATE food, I need to get out of the food industry, it's ****ing annoying being around all this good food and I can't have any of it! First world problems, I know, but it's like cutting off any drug addict or alcoholic cold turkey- they're going to have a problem. Ugh, I shouldn't have thought of it again . . . so frustrating . . . and I'm being supportive of my bf right now who is back in school full time and working full time, which means little sleep and me doing more of the chores around the place (not too much different from the norm anyways) and the fact that if he's not snoring, I am and so one of us(usually me because I want him to have enough rest for all that he's doing) ends up sleeping on the couch most if not all of the time. And I know what I'm going through isn't really that much, considering everything else that goes on in the world- I just think, damn, at least there's not a baby in the mix too, I don't know how people could do everything and get little sleep taking care of a baby. Damn! Anywho, I'm a bit more relaxed now, satiated anyway . . . though I have talked to my bf about him thinking he might be a bit bi polar, and I think I may be as well- if not maybe we're both just moody 'cuz of stress and lack of sleep time and again- though we do catch up on it at least once a week.
So there's been some misunderstandings/crankiness between the two of us- but nothing too serious, and we always come to our senses- I realize he's probably just tired, and vice versa and we apologize- most of the time though I'm more patient than he is- he's been through a lot more ****ed up **** in his life than I have(sexual assaults aside)- like the physical abuse he suffered most of his childhood from his awful mom.
So, in my rambling, I've gone a bit off the original subject, but it sorta relates because I guess I've given examples of everything I'm dealing with that I'm having trouble coping with emotionally, I guess I didn't want to give the idea that I'm just overwhelmed because of my food allergy issues. But that is a key ingredient in my added frustration. I need to not use food as crutch for tough emotions(it's been this way since a child- for a time it was weed and alcohol but I quit all that and went back to food), and now I'm forced to not be able to because of my recently developed food allergies (which I guess can happen, as your body's chemistry changes every 7-10 years and I guess I got lucky ) and I guess I'm in the process of making a change. It'll be tough, but with all I've dealt with in my life, I should be resilient enough by now to suffer on through and come out triumphant. I guess I can get back into exercising on a more regular basis, that always seems to help- blow of steam and whatnot.