Okay ((((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))

Calm down. If you don't like the idea of meditation, tell him that. I gave the "speech" for my first T session ever, and had the exact same response. Then we started digging and I was scared shitless. It was the most scary thing ever. But I got through it, and so can you.

I know about your "attempt", but does your T? Maybe telling him that will tell him that you're not ready to be "pushed" yet and to go more slowly and not push so hard on issues you're not ready to deal with yet?

Don't give up on therapy yet, give it time. It takes a while to find a good T, and a good amount of time to build up trust with one too!

Bring up your concerns with your T, if you're feeling up to it ... even print off your post and have him read it. It will be helpful for him to know how to help you. Help him help you. I know you want help. And I think he wants to help you too!

Be good to yourself, don't give up on therapy yet, and let us know how the next session goes? I really think it would be a good idea to at least go once more and discuss everything you're feeling right now.