It's been awhile since I've been on. The new job, college, and children are taking up all the lousy laying around on the Internet time I had before. I miss those times, then again I don't. I thought working and having somewhat of a so called like would make me happier, but still I'm suffering with numbness.

I think the worse of my problems is other people. I know it sounds as though I am blaming them for my miserableness, but it truly feels that way despite whether I want it to or not. I'm beginning to believe that they way I look effects the way people treat me. I always thought the bout of facial confidence would do the trick....but obvisouly people see right through that sham.

Anyway, I feel alone all the time. I feel I face my huge problems alone. I feel nothing goes instead it goes entirely wrong.

Some of what I am challenged with today is pretty serious. I'm exhausting from it all and have no where to turn. This is why I am so angry with PC at the moment...when I needed to be here I could not come.

I have to put my children in daycare for the first time tomorrow. This is devastating to me. I feel as though I've failed my motherly responsibilities. The reason they are going is not my job (that could easily be worked out through a shift change) but because I do not take good care of them anymore. It's difficult to admit but it is true.

Another is my college....I am a 3.81 GPA student, on the Deans List. I know my capabilities....but I've lacked in caring. My grades are still up to par by some miracle...but I seem to not care anymore.

There's so much more, it could be endless here. I wanted to keep this particular piece brief....so I will shut up now.