hey. i have a speech too. i have a nice chronological history of 'major life events' and i have different varients of the story for different circumstances (e.g., play up / down the depression vs dissociation depending on the orientation of the clinician) and so on.

i have little pre-emptive speeches too. to try and prevent little lectures on irrational thoughts and the like. lots of little pre-emptive speeches and a fairly good conception of what people would 'like' me to say.

i've only just started getting a bit more confidence to speak from my heart rather than from the scripts. it is hard. it is taking a considerable risk. gently gently does it. little risk... then assess how they respond.

i was reading something last night about the 'theraputic window'. the 'theraputic window' is basically about finding a balance between encouraging the client to feel those hard feelings and between encouraging the client to trust and feel comfortable with the therapist.

sounds like you are really very keen to get into the hard stuff... which is terrific... but too much pressure can be... too much.

its okay to lighten things up a little. get to know each other a little. take teeny tiny risks with self disclosures and assess how things go. trust really does take time.