Kureha,

Why not put together a 2 year plan. Aim to be off injections in 2 years and on medication you can take yourself. Because if the penny drops in that 2 years and you realise you are suffering an illness. Then i guarantee from that point on you will want to take meds. Because life is just too short to spend it waisting your time. You may also look back if you are lucky , and realise that carrying knifes , approaching random people and accusing them of stalking you , having homicidal thoughts , was a huge waiste of your time.

I was at a shopping centre bout 2 months ago and out of no where a guy banged into my shoulder and put me off balance. He never stopped and walked away hurridly. I didnt think much of it until about 30 minutes after i was sittn on a step infront of the cinema on a beautiful day , and this same guy with a baseball hat and a pair of sun glasses on crouched down to me and said had i being in a shopping centre earlier. I tried to claify what he was sayn. First i didnt really know what he was talkn about. I clarified 'yes i had' then he asked me was i following him and i said i wasnt . Then he said 'you wouldnt want to be'. Then i just ignored him and he walked away. This guy it seems phsically assaulted me earlier , because i can only venture he was paranoid and delusional. Now every time im in town i feel a bit nervous , because i am aware of what aggressively psychotic individuals are capable of.

I dont say this to make you feel bad but you need to know that you need to address all these delusions in a constructive way. Taking your meds is a place to start.