I'm beginning to realize that I am not cut out for this anymore. It was an entirely different thinking a year or two ago. I was able to face my children and care for their every need and want. I truly loved them in every element. I know people may pass their judgement on my feelings. As harsh as you may want to say it, I'm sure I deserve it. I'm a lousy person, a lousy mother. Today I said no more then 10 words to my babies and I was with them all day today. I can't care to take care of them....it's been this way for awhile now and it seems to be getting worse. My husband is aware of this, he has forced me to put them in daycare, that way he knows they are being fed.

I want them to have a better home with better parents. I want them to be loved endlessly no matter the situation. I want them to have selfless loving parents with a good home and good careers so they can be provided with whatever it is they need or want. I want them to be spoken to as they are loved and cherished. I am unable to provide this for them. I am not even able to give them a bed, potty train them, feed them correctly, and love them fully.

I've failed at the job that mattered the most and I find this crushing. I'm tempted to leave here and not ever look back again....this is not the instinct of a mother not even an animal. I'm lower than that.

I'm sure I will regret posting this, but it's something I can't hide anymore......I truly need help and lots of it.