Hello,
I am a 21 years old student. I've been suffering from anxiety disorder, social phobia and have been taking antidepressants (escitalopram) for several years now (I had a small break,about a half year, but at the beggining of the first study year in other city my anxiety level very increased). I started to take drugs because of insomnia and high anxiety level. Time to time, I visit psychiatrist . I had been taking cognitive behavioral therapy for over a year, but now I see that it haven't really helped me. I still feel very anxious in various social situations, feel a lot of anxiety symptoms (body shakes, sweating, racing heart, breathlessness, etc). To make matters worse, I have found a boyfriend via internet. We have a relationships for about 5 months. He is 27 years old. He is a very good person and he really likes me. But it really hard for me to keep relationships, because Im afraid of him. Im afraid I will disappoint him in some way. When we meet (we do that quite rarely), I hardly can concentrate what he says, I feel very very anxious, nervous, I start sweating when he takes my hand or touch my body( we haven't sex, and Im virgin). I feel that something wrong with my hormones, couse I just feel too much. Every date with him brings me more and more anxiety. He knows my situation, about my anxiety and stress, that Im using drugs. He gave me some time to think what I would like to do next - to meet him again or just to stay friends, but nothing more. I feel I want to communicate with him, but it so hard and stresfull, it hard to handle this. Maybe, it would be better decision to end relationships. But I know that this way won't help me deal with social phobia, fear of boys and other issues. I am totally lost. Please help me to understand my complicated situation and messy thoughts. p.s. If you need to know, I had never been sexualy abused. So it hard for me to understand why I have such a big fear of man.
Sorry for mistakes, Im from abroad.