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Originally Posted by healed84
So, I know that one of the strategies that some Ts use is one where the encourage attachment to them and really encourage talking through their issues together. In doing so, it can model how relationships outside of the T room should go.
I am struggling with this ALOT lately. T is great, he is available when I need him, he has been understanding when I bring up issues with how he has mishandled things, he has be patient with me, etc. However, my problem is.. most people aren't as great as T. And T is only great, because it is his job to be great. I know that it doesn't mean he doesn't care for me, but I am saying.. In our T client relationship, he sees my needs and he responds to them.
So, how am I supposed to carry what I am learning from T over to my other relationships, when they aren't as great as T? Does that make sense? It is great I can open up to T, but I don't feel like I have anybody in my life that is near as trustworthy as T.. and I only find him trustworthy b/c he has an obligation of confidentiality.
Does any of this make sense to anybody?
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Yes!! I've thought so much about this lately. How am I ever going to feel safe with anyone other than my therapist? I can't imagine getting into a serious, long-term relationship with a partner who is not in touch with their feelings and issues like a therapist is. I am struggling with this now too. A lot.
The therapy relationship is not like other relationships--there is an imbalance of power, which is the nature of an attachment relationship, which is also why it promotes transference so strongly (it is more like the parent-child relationship than others). You need from your therapist, but your therapist doesn't need from you. That makes it totally different than romantic relationships, which are ideally equal.
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So, how am I supposed to carry what I am learning from T over to my other relationships, when they aren't as great as T?
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The modeling helps tremendously in this area. More with my last therapist than my current one, I think the boundaries are one of the most useful aspects that apply to other relationships. I don't mean boundaries in terms of 'limits' that are usually discussed on this forum. I mean boundaries in terms of defining your sense of self. What emotions come from you vs. what's coming from the therapist. That how other people relate to and feel about you has little to nothing to do with you, and more to do with them.
I wish I could talk about this more, but I really have to get going!
