Just got back from very emotional session with T, three days after the hug rejection saga. We discussed the hug thing, and the disclosure that came before it. He said he decided long ago that it would be a boundary of his. He was saying should include it in the contract but I said he should mention it at initial sessions.

Anyway, he told me he only read the first post of my last thread and reading "I never want to see him again" felt like 'he was being stabbed in the heart'
He didn't reply because he respected my autonomy and thought I didn't want to hear from him.

He told me he valued me, which was the first time he ever said anything like that to me directly. The most touching thing was that he brought a poem I had written him months ago and read it to me. It was about therapy and trusting him to lead me to safer ground. He was nearly in tears by the end. He said it was beautiful and I felt really close to him in that moment. Better than a hug

I told him the session was healing for me, he said it was for him too. He was still choking back tears when the session ended. I feel drained but warm