(I probably skimmed a few parts of this, sorry! attention span isn't that great today)

I know what you mean about not being allowed to feel emotions. I feel them... but for the life of me, unless they're happy I don't share them. If I do share.. it's muted. I always feel like, if I share... then people will be thinking that I shouldn't have those emotions and that I'm not worth being around.. and thus leave. Or that they'll get angry with me.

I give others what they want/need in regards to emotions though. I listen to what they need and do my best to give it to them.

When you were writing about how you felt you were a burden on others.. and that your huge pain you thought basically would be such a burden for others that the best solution was to not exist..... That is one of my core beliefs about myself... and something that I am really struggling with.