ErinBear, there are no guarantees :-( You can't make talking to another person "seem safer" you have to experience it and see whether it is safe or not within yourself. The poor therapist can't help you there, can't let you tie him up and limit who he "is."

Start out a little less difficult? Talk about easier things for a bit before you talk about what scares you. If he asks a scary question, think about it and say something like, "that's too scary for me to talk about right now."

I don't think your therapist was not liking talking about the therapy relationship issues but you can't set up a relationship "in advance." You have to have a relationship and mold it as you go along. I think he may just feel you're trying to cross bridges before you get to them?

I don't think you're stupid or must shut up or anything. Tell your therapist next time that you feel his redirecting the conversation implies you're wrong/bad/mustn't talk about those subjects that worry you. The situation reminds me a little of Microsoft Windows and how one can rearrange one's desktop all day, get different colors, resolution, backgrounds, screen savers, etc. all day long without cracking open Word or Excel and actually getting any work done :-)