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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I too can relate. Anytime I feel like I said or did something "wrong", I apologize. It could be crying, being angry, being resistant to something, or even if I feel I'm regressing or stuck.
My T actually tells me constantly to take things easy. I am always trying to over-achieve everything. If I'm supposed to do one assignment, I do 10. If I'm supposed to read a chapter in a book, I read 5. If I need to contact people (insurances, DBT groups, etc.), I do it all in one day and provide proof. Then I wear myself down and literally have a breakdown 
I just constantly feel like I need to prove to her my effort. |
Yeah, I can recognise this. At a very early stage of my therapy, my T commented on how frequently I apologised to him. I'm sorry it's so hard for you, that you wear yourself down like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
I worry if I don't do "the homework" that CBT T will refer me elsewhere. I care too much about being likable.
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I guess the homework is supposed to be for the client's benefit, and if you don't do it, it shouldn't be a problem for the therapist... but yes, if I had homework it would be a constant source of worry to me. That is one reason why CBT would not work for me (there are others, but that's a different thread, I think.)
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Originally Posted by skies_
Yes, i was just talking about his on HazelGirl's recent thread. I transfer childhood feelings of needing to make him feel good so that i can get crumbs of nurturing or affection from him (i.e., he is a really quality therapist, but making him feel good includes unconsciously doing things to make him feel like a really good therapist who is successful in treating me.) In the transference, it's also the only way he can tolerate spending an hour a week with me, and it will prevent his being cruel to or abandoning me.
Other reasons for this type of thing can range from perfectionism, need to control...to guilt and low self-worth.
Is there anything from childhood that you can connect to this?
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Only insofar as I can remember always trying to be the children in the books I read, since they were obviously better than me, and their behaviour was what was expected - that is, it's what I thought was expected. I was a weird kid, I think, and I know I am a weird adult. There are so many things about normal life I just don't know, and I have no way of finding out other than through books, which usually lie.
Sorry, that was a digression. I honestly don't know why I ended up being like this.
And I recognise the feeling of "he would not be able to stand me if I didn't perform". Maybe that's what's at the bottom of it, really.