I totally relate to this. I think I am in this place at the moment. It is so painful. It is made more intense as nobody else knows I am seeing a T so inhave to hold it all in each week. I've had an 8 week break with limited email contact so it has brought a lot of these feelings to the surface. I just don't know what is real anymore. I function as in go to work, feed the kids, etc but it is as if it isn't really me... It's like I am performing and then I show the real me to T. But is that real ? All I know is that I can't keep,up the pretence much longer. I feel for you THisWAyOut.