I'm not sure where "you" are in all this, Desirae. It sounds like trying to change the behavior you both have set up now would leave him with "nothing"?

If I wanted a different way of having sex, I'd start setting it up that way. If I wanted no sex at all, I'd tell him that. I'd be clear about what I wanted rather than just what I didn't want which is all there seems to be now? I can understand you might feel disgusted and violated but I can also see how it might be hard for your husband to not "get it" since it's been going on so long and this is the first you've mentioned it? I would "give" him something else, sex another "way" that doesn't feel disgusting to you, that you enjoy or I'd tell him I didn't want sex at all, etc. But your feeling of disgust and violation doesn't necessarily mean the act is disgusting. Yes, sex without your consent can be wrong, a violation, but you need to make clear your desires and how any change will come about since you've agreed to it before. Switching the "rules" suddenly is not good either. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with you or your husband and/or either of your desires if that is what has been done between you in your marriage but it's up to you to change what you don't like or find unacceptable and know your husband might be confused/puzzled and/or unhappy at your change.