sorry I haven't answered for so long. thanks for all of your replies and your support.
it seems so easy to say that I am fine the way I am and in a certain way I think that, too. but then I feel so bad as soon as I think of other people or how they may look at me. my therapist tries to teach me that I don't need to take care of what other people may think or want but it is so hard if I feel like I am isolated because of not being acceptable for some irrational reasons. that feeling is so strong it causes me many problems. and also it gets confirmed by my experiences more the stronger it is. it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't know the way out. my rational mind doesn't help me here.