I'm going through this now too.

6 months after going no contact and I still feel the urge to contact him. Usually to scream at him though. Sometimes because I remember how good the good times were and I miss him.

What stops me is my stubborn unwillingness to be seen crawling back to him. He won't use me again. I will not play his games.

Still can't figure out if it's the BPD or some sort of N addiction lol