So, I accused my fiance of cheating on me last night. My proof of this? Absolutely nothing. In my logical mind, I don't have any proof at all that he is cheating on me. He's loyal as the day is long and I don't think he would cheat on me even if a girl would throw herself at him. Not only that, but all of his friends that are girls are in steady relationships.

So why did I do it? Boredom, probably. To get a rise out of him, probably. To stir up mischief in the relationship, probably.

Sometimes I feel so out of my mind when it comes to this relationship that I sincerely wonder why this guy stays with me. I don't get what I offer to him that he wants or that sustains him in any way.

And once again, I can't tell if this is just my crazy mind working or if any of these thoughts are realistic. I hate having BPD. I can't even describe how much I hate it. Every relationship I have is ruined or tainted by this illness. It consumes my interpersonal life.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just so frustrated today. Thanks to anyone that read.