(((((((((((((((((((((((((Desirae))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you're going through this--there are few pains worse than what you're feeling!! It's obvious, though, that you truly DO love and cherish your children (and there's no WAY you're lower than an animal! You're most definitely feeling a mother's love for these kids), but you're having a very difficult time expressing it. Do you have any idea why this is? It might be a good idea to look into your self, into your past/present, and into your surroundings, and try to figure out what's causing you to have trouble caring for your children.

Are you in therapy at all? If not, you might seriously want to consider talking to someone before you choose to do anything too drastic. What you're feeling and doing (or finding yourself unable to do) could very well be a managable, fixable problem that you can overcome with strength, resilience and help.

Another thing--have you expressed these thoughts to your husband? He, more than anybody else, needs to be here for you right now, but if he doesn't know that you're hurting so badly over this, he might find it more difficult.

Lastly, if you need help, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!! All the folks here on PC are 110% willing to talk, help, and support you (including me!), so please don't regret posting--it may well help more than you think.

PM me anytime,
special luck&love,
~muse