Once an Jungian type analyst said I had a "Samurai" archetype--warrior, tough soldier without needs, never vulnerable, completely self-sufficient. My father was an admiral and my mother very distant and cold, if not downright neglectful and cruel. The denial of needs for me goes hand in hand with my avoidant attachment which is an insecure type. (It's not a disorder, but it is a problem that many have.)

That was a while ago. I made progress with that therapist and moved onto someone who was more emotionally attuned and relational in approach. I very quickly worked through lots of things that I had assumed were resolved. And I grew as a person in so many ways.

Now I do not really have an insecure attachment (of course you never completely lose the original one). And I am nothing like a Samurai. Those were survival strategies forced on me by my circumstances. I have compassion for the person that had to live that way to survive, but I am no longer that person and happily so.

I am also lucky because my current therapist is alert to my needs without my having to state them explicitly. I have felt so well understood, so "seen," so safe to attach to him that I have felt more agency about being upfront, but it isn't absolutely necessary. I'm glad that I don't necessarily have to, but I am also glad that somehow I developed an ability and even desire to be able to state what I needed. I have been able to confront my therapist (and then my partner) when upset and articulate what I needed and what was going wrong in ways that, though awkward at first, became very good ways of processing things and establishing better communication and mutuality.