I was very premature. 3 months early, weighed less than 2 pounds. Smallest baby to survive the hospital I was born in (then). However, other family members have BP or depression, including some of my children, which leads to the conclusion that there is a genetic predisposition. Kind of like my familial high cholesterol, that's not diet related, but inherited. Most of my kids have it.

It can take a while to get a definitive diagnosis though. Mine was initially thought depression until antidepressants spun me into mania. Pieces fell together & patterns could be established by looking back. Professionals can miss it, but a professional would know best.

I hope whatever the diagnosis is - they find effective treatment for you. Many of your experiences could fit my own. I agree with the advice already given, find someone else who will listen & get help. It's sad because you've been asking & that takes bravery!