I was abused throughout my childhood which left me with deep and long term emotional problems. As a result, I spent most my young adult life in therapy. I am in my 30s now and unfortunately financially unable to keep up with expensive therapy sessions. I am trying to treat my depression myself at this time (have no other choice). I discovered buddism and mediation. I practice with monks which are practically therapists in their own right. This has help immensely!

I also have been reading self help books. Currently I am working with a CBT book and preforming all the exercises. There has been a exercise I have been struggling with. I am to recognize my negative cognitive destortions (as they occur) and write them down when I catch myself shifting into a depressive mood. I am then to label the thoughts and categorize them accoring to the type of destorted thinking.

My dilemma:
I am having a hard time recognizing, labeling, and categorizing some negative thoughts that are causing depressive feelings. I am often asking myself why I am feeling a particular painful feeling (due to it's automatic nature). Could this be because of the systematic psychological and emotional torture I endured as a young child. Does anyone else have difficulty recognizing a particular thinking pattern that may creep up from time to time?

I do struggle immensely emotionally.