Welcome ocean... and, NO you're not crazy!

It's unfortunate that you do not feel safe enough to trust even your medical doctor with a medication that could really help with the anxiety. How do you feel about taking nutriceuticals or herbals? Perhaps a nutritionist or a homepathic doctor could guide you (or even a book) on what natural foods help with calming.

Also, there are things like coffee that make anxiety worse... so I hope you are doing all you can for yourself.

Have you tried guided meditation or deep breathing?

I don't mean to sound like what you are going through is small, because it's a terrible feeling, I know. I'm trying to accomodate your fear of medication.

Come back and post as often as you need to, there are plenty of caring ppl here.

<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....