Agitation, panic, fear, overwhelmed, racing intrusive thoughts, helplessness...this is what I remember. I think this was my first case of what I think was extreme dysphoric mania. It was a very intense experience. I would go from detached amusement of my condition, laughing inappropriately at anything anyone said, feeling I had the power to manage it, to being overwhelmed and helpless with very intense visual experiences racing through my head, one right after the other, like a crazy disjointed movie. I could not focus on anything for any length of time. I found myself somehow driving on the wrong side of the road, wondering how I got there.

I thought I was going mad. I felt I had to get help. I began to panic. I could check in to a hospital, but who would take care of my daughter and my mother who has dementia? So I somehow hanged in there until it passed. This was the worst nightmare I ever had while being still awake. I imagine if it continued something terrible was going to happen to me.

Sounds familiar to anyone? I still am not very sure what happened to me.