Quote:
Originally Posted by Xanter
Hey Aracela.
I can relate where you're coming from. I was pretty much bullied all the way through school, why? Because i was fat, that's all. I'm a native english speaker and i was even called and berated at school. The bottom line is haters are going to hate no matter what your downfalls may be. If people are going to hurl **** at you they will find anything they can lay their nasty dirty hands on.
As for being bullied, you believe it or not were there for a brief time. It's simply transference, those people that bullied you only done so because they hated something about their lives or them. You found yourself in this mind set when you regretably lashed out, and just so you know that doesn't make you an asshole or a bad person. It makes you someone who is so utterly despirate to put an end to a bad situation, to understand what's wrong with you and why people keep giving you ****. The reality of it is, you just got a ****** hand and have been put in an environment full of poison and that doesn't mean for a second there is anything wrong with you. Remember if people have a problem with you that's because it is their problem. As for letting go, you need to ask yourself one thing. Do i want to be free and move on and actually be happy? Or do i want to allow these pathetic bullying mother ****ers to dominate and controle the rest of my life? and only you can answer that question.
Lots of hugs and keep strong lil buddy!
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Thank you for your kind words.
Being a victim of bullying really does make some people stronger. I have stopped caring about their opinions when I reached high school, though, after grade 5 junior high was hell. The choices I made were idiotic and I created such a hostile attitude towards most of my classmates.
I was afraid of being hurt and for some reason when I got paired with someone whom I thought didn't like me, (since I assumed he was associated with one of guys who bullied me in elementary), I always move my desk away from theirs. For some reason I had the mindset of, if I make it clear that I don't like them they'll ignore me and of course everyone in class started talking about me like I am some mean anti-social kid. (I will admitt that, at that time that was really mean and I am pretty anti-social because I am scared of getting hurt). Maybe this was just the paranoid me, but I really thought everyone was judging me, the stares they gave me were sometimes hard to take in. I can never tell if its pity or disgust...
I was desperate, so desperate that I try to drew some attention on myself of being a comedian. Of course it didn't work because my sense of humor is not humorous and they probably all knew I sensitive to reactions. All I wanted was for that same guy from elementary to stop his verbal insult towards me. When I finally confronted a teacher about my issue, from being called a emo kid I was probably evolved into an attention *****.
Lately I have been doing well after my whole bullying incident, but now that I am a university student I am afraid of meeting some of my old classmates. I am afraid at them remembering me from the rumors....