I don't know how to fill that void....I wonder if I ever will.

As you know, I was never allowed to feel and was shamed for any feeling or emotion that I did show as a kid. Now, at age 43 I have begun to peek at all of that suppressed hidden emotional pain........I feel guilty for having it. And still in my day to day life, I am only allowed to be happy. WTF!

Hugs OE......sorry you have been struggling so much with this the last few weeks.