That's a very heavy load there that you have been carrying. After a history like that, it's hard to change. Trusting people is hard, and dissociating becomes habit. If you could learn how to live without being scared and anxious and traumatized, etc., you could get a lot more out of life in the present, but it's easier said than done. Do you have a therapist? Preferably, one with experience treating trauma. Dissociative disorders and Borderline Personality Disorder are trauma-related also, and have a lot of symtoms in common with PTSD. I guess it doesn't so much matter which dx is assigned to you as that you and your T, and the peope around you too, can recognize that you are a trauma survivor, and that those wounds affect your approach to life at a very fundamental level.

With treatment, it really can get better. It's a long, hard road, but you have been strong enough to make it this far. Just take one step at a time and keep on going, and you'll make it.

Rap