This is something I've just in the past week been working through in my own thoughts and will discuss with T later this week. I am sort of coming to the realization, that what I am so powerfully drawn to isn't about him at all. It's about what he represents and what he provides: patience, kindness, reassurance, calming strength and most of all - acceptance. Is he providing these things for me, not because he genuinely IS patient, kind, etc.. (because he may be a complete jerk outside his office - highly doubtful) but because he knows I have to see, feel and taste that sweetness so I can then offer it to myself when I need it? Is it to 'make' me feel safe? Manipulate (gently) me to feel (something I went into therapy for, because I have been numb and life seems drained of light and color), think and act without having such harsh judgments against myself?

Very T - ricky....