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Sep 02, 2014, 02:15 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 292
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My emotions were dead for a while. Avoidance is my key method of barely coping.
Recently, my feelings came back...reason unknown.
I play world of warcraft. I used to date a guy on there. I have a real life boyfriend now, but I still talk to this ex sometimes...(insert unknown emotional need to reconnect...sometimes with exes who were absolutely horrid to me!).
Anyhoo, I found out this guy has a new girlfriend and he was wearing this rainbow belt on his toon that I had been wearing on mine when we dated. He copied me then and now he's wearing it again with this new girl. I feel pissed that he stole my personality. It isn't his. I flipped out, felt this anxiety burst through my throat and I was hyperventilating. I get a rash when I do this on my throat/chest area.
I threatened my ex that I would get wow workers to remove him from my server...(I was on this server first). This was a lie, obviously, I have no control over anything in wow. I called him lewd names and insulted his image. Namely pointing out he didn't have his "own" identity.
I apologized after the episode and asked for forgiveness.
I felt really unhappy afterwards and wanted to die.
I haven't spoken to this ex a lot and I like my new boyfriend and want to get married to him and have kids and all the fun stuff (I think).
I've texted a few people about this and some are surprised at my disastrous behavior over a "belt." But I know it's deeper than that and I didn't bother to explain that part.
Today I skipped the gym because I'm feeling so bad after yesterday's incident.
I don't enjoy treating people poorly.
Lately it seems I morph into unfounded rages that cause great pain inside...and I'm willing to take out anything in my path.  
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