Hi xan, welcome back.
I, and I believe many of us here, have a lot of the same issues. I am from the UK and I have had a very bad time with doctors. Too many of them seem to label and blame the people who have the strength and motivation to seek help, instead of offering the help they are paid to give. So they should not be doctors IMO I wonder if it is a doctor who has made you feel selfish ...

I am very glad you came back!

Hugs if ok,
Fuzzy