hi I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, living in pain is not fun at all. I too live with horrible nerve pain because of an accident and then a doctor messing up a surgery. and also because of this I am suffering from severe depression and loneliness. one thing that has helped me when I feel grumpy and mean, which living like this has tended to bring out in me, is writing. because of the pain I have difficult writing like I used to in order to get my feelings out. so I got one of those speak to type things to put on my computer (also have this on my phone which is how I get on here) it's an old computer that I can't get online with anymore cuz it is not safe but it still works with it. I say/type everything I'm feeling and get it all out. I can be just as mean as I want or terrible as I want use any words that I want and no one else will ever see it because it is locked. I get it all out and usually afterwards when I reread it I realize I don't even mean a lot of those things. I am able to get all my feelings for the time out and it wears me out to the point that I don't feel that way anymore. I jokingly call myself the big B (to myself) that is what I call my journal. in other words I explode on paper instead of with people, or computer which is much better, because you can lock it and no one can get into it and read it like a notebook or diary. because I would hate for anyone that I care about to be hurt by some of the things I have said. this is for me and me alone no one else gets to read it. when I allowed those feelings to explode and come out like that and go back and read it sometimes I discover some very intresting things about myself and my real feelings too. I know its been awhile since you posted this but I'm new to the site and just now starting to read and post on it. I hope this will help you..