Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
Okay, so I know going into this that some on the forum are probably going to be really upset with me, but I think people do you no favors by blowing smoke up your *** and pretending like you do not have very significant issues in how you interact with others. Although I disagree that you are unlikable immediately, you DO very quickly engage in behaviors that are unpleasant and that drive people away. You are quite hostile when people disagree with you and the emotional volatility is very unpleasant. Your unpredictability makes some people uneasy. A friendship is very difficult to maintain with someone who behaves as you do.
It doesn't HAVE to be just the way you are. It is something you can work on. The biggest favor anyone did for me in the sport I participate in was to tell me that I was acting like a *****. I did not mean to. I was riding a very difficult horse and really focused on just surviving. However, as a result, I was not friendly to the humans around me and replied curtly to them when they tried to engage with me. When someone pointed it out to me, it gave me an opportunity to try to change my behavior.
Telling people you are just "sharp" and to get over it is not an attitude that will attract people or cause them to want to engage with you. If you were happy with your current situation, I could see not wanting to work on this, but you are not. You repeatedly have issues with other people, and post on here quite upset about it, so it seems like this IS something big and important to work on.
Again, this goes back to what I was saying above. You are not happy with your friend situation. You say you are not hostile, but you do come across at least in writing as very hostile, very often.
I am not saying any of this to be mean, but to try to make you more aware of how you come across. While it may be unpleasant to hear that one's behaviors are off-putting to others, or are driving others away, unless you are aware of it or someone tells you about, you don't know that changes are necessary if you want to have your friends not leave you.
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I know that you are trying to help, but I strongly feel that your comments are very inappropriate. One thing that you need to understand is that people with BPD are born with a genetic trait that causes them to experience emotions more strongly. Once someone who has this trait experiences an invalidating environment, such as an abusive environment they become at risk for developing the disorder. Learning to regulate the intense emotional experience that comes with BPD is not something that someone can do on their own, and it takes a lot of time, and special validating environment in therapy. Marsha Llinehan who has BPD and invented DBT says that a person would have to be super human to cope with the intense feeling that people with BPD experience with out leaning any supplemental skills.
Furthermore, only invalidating people with BPD only exacerbates their feelings, and does little to help them grow (research has shown this). Growli has made huge progress by contacting therapists and she deserves to have that validated and celebrated. This is the single biggest step I have ever seen her take towards helping herself. You might also ask yourself why it is that you think that you need to intervene in the way that you did. Why did you not just have an empathetic relation and think about what kind of feelings might cause Growli to post such a thing. Perhaps your own anxiety about your feelings of emotional inadequacy are subdued when you find that you can view your own emotional progress as superior to another's?